Am i obsessing over my best friend?

Just wondering


She's the best friend I've ever had, and i don't think i could ever have a best friend like her ever. but at the same time, it's stressing me out.


i always feel like i have to talk to her. i'm always asking her to call me and when she does we talk for hours straight(we've talked up to 10 hours in the summer). my family said i've turned them all off just for her and put her in front of my family and stuff. i'm always texting, iming, or talking to her and always want to be doing one of those. i feel furious if i find out something about her that she didn't tell me, and i usually go through myspace bulletins to see her surveys and if she's posted any answer to something like who's your best friend...who's your #1 on your top and stuff like that. but when i talk to her, usually i'm the happiest person in the world. am i being obsessive?

Am i obsessing over my best friend?
Hey, I'm 14 too! I'm Catholic, go to a Catholic high school [freshman . . eh!], and saw your post about wanting Christian help. Are you an only child? I am and I've been through somewhat the same thing. Not to the extent you are "obsessing," but I know where you've been. If you want, feel free to add me on Yahoo and we can talk in Messenger some time about this. But for now . . . my parents separated when I was 2, divorced when I was 3. They both worked then and both work now. I always longed for a sibling, or at least some kind of human presence around my age - I can remember feeling lonely before I knew what a sibling was, but I just knew I wanted someone to relate to. Since I was a little kid, getting close to people has been easy. I lived with my dad and still do. My mom was the one that moved out and though I'm very close to her and see her every day now, things weren't always like that. I think that's why I made friends and got close to them so easily, especially girls as opposed to guys. I always was looking for someone to be like a mother figure for me and fill the gaps that I felt on the inside. Playing dolls, sing-a-long songs, that kind of thing. I still wish that someone could fill that gap in me. I don't want to do any of that now that I'm older, but I just wish that those gaps could be filled internally. I look to my friends - especially the ones a bit older than me - for the kind of support I didn't get but always needed as a young kid. I have a great couple of friends that I've been with since kindergarten and we still are in school together. They are all older than me [by a couple months, but still] and they give me the support I need. I don't obsess over them, but when I meet someone new that's older than me and is caring and seems maternal, I'm the happiest person in the world around her and then sad and lonely the minute we are separated. I've never for a minute had to worry about the whole homosexual thing because I KNOW that I love God, He loves me, and as long as I follow Him, I'm not going to take that path with my life. I also KNOW that my past has a lot to do with my present. I feel the way I do towards friends (and their moms) because I never had a sibling and missed out on so many years of maternal care that I really needed. Now I see why baby animals fail to thrive without their mothers.





So think about your past. Maybe there's something in it that will reveal the way you act toward your friend now. If not, just realize that you are experiencing true love, true friendship. Love is not just the romantic kind between husband and wife, love is simply selfless giving and putting the other person in the relationship first, above yourself. You care about your friend and hopefully she will continue to be your best friend. If not, people change - you just give the best you've got and be as good of a friend as you can. Some people can't understand it because there's such little true friendship in the world today. But be different. Be you!
Reply:dude sucks u sholud stop seeing her so muc or somthing
Reply:WOW. loll..."obsessing" is an understatement.





why don't u ask her if she wants to get surgically stuck to you?
Reply:Holy crap, chill out and smoke a J
Reply:um wow i wish i can tell u a way to stop but seriously u cant stop ur personality...





congrats ur officially a stalker
Reply:Sorry hun ,





proably not what youwannahear but even if yall are bestfreind 1000 miles is pretty long so i bet yallarent gonnalast long imean u can say yallhavea unbeliveable bond it will happen somtime and no i dont think ur ubsessed i mean i care alot about my bestfreidnevne if she makes me mad somtimes i would die forher anyday and i kno what ur saying i mean when u get a friend that you kno cares for u what can you do. most the time when u get friends liek that hey lastforever i hope yall stay bfff but i bet its not likley. but being in that sort of situation my firend just moved across town and started going to a new school and i mena every chance i got to tlak to her i usally took it.





Well im giving you some relief hun ur not obsessed its ur bestie u just care for her like a sister.








LeighAnn
Reply:To be honest alot of the answers already given have at least partly got the point. That is it is not fair to focus solely on any one person and depend on them, almost to breathe! It is not fair on the person as they will feel suffocated however much they might care about you. It is not fair on you, as you are missing out on life around you, shutting other people out who are just as important and you are going down a path that sooner or later will lead to pain and hurt.


If you don't end up doing something drastic then your friend will. Stop and think for a moment how much does your friend actually get the chance to talk about their feelings and what goes on in their heart. How much of it is all one sided and about you.


The only real solution to this is to back off. It is hard as alot of your behaviour is so natural to you, that you might not even really be aware of how damaging you really are. If your friend turns round and asks why you have become more distant then explain the reason why. The main thing is that no matter how much a person loves you no one wants to be suffocated. I have been with my partner for over 10 years, but I still know to give them their space, and their room to breathe. loviong someone is not about making it all about you, it is about understanding who they are, as much as them understanding you.
Reply:i'm not reading all the extras. from what i hear u do sounds freakishly obsessive. ever for best friends, i got a best friend, but he is always with his GF now so you better prepare for that. just take a chill pill and find some other friends to talk to too. i wonder how you would react if your bestfriend had a boyfriend, would u like threaten him?
Reply:Sounds to me like you have a "girl crush" that's whn you admire a woman so much that your mind confuses your admiration with the love you seek from a man/woman in a relationship. At times, women tend to become attracted to other women based on personality traits they posses that we wish we had. You admire her, you praise her, and at times I think you wish you where her! I didn't read it all, because it was to much text for me to cypher through, but I think you've got a crush on her, and long to take your "friendship" to the next level.





Women can see the inner beauty in another woman before a man can. Because we think on the same level (well, most of us). You see that she's a kind-hearted, loving, warm-spirited person, and you want so much for someone to love her for who she is. To the point to where, you're almost willing to step up and fill those shoes.





But, I think you've taken it to the next level. To the point where it's almost obsessive compulsive disorder material.





You've allowed yourself to be consumed head first in your desire for a more serious relationship with a man (or woman) to where you're substituting her with the companionship you long to have. I don't think you're dangerous with your obsession, but if you don't get it under control it can turn out that way.





Start to distance yourself from her some. And I know its easier said then done, but start trying to do some activities on your own. Take up a hobby, or get into a club, sport, or involved with in your immediate group of peers. You don't have to cease communications with her, but give her the room, space and respect that you would want someone to give you. The only thing that can help you with this issue is self control. Respect her space, privacy, and friendship, buy not harassing her.





And try to make other friends so that your focus is not fixated on her. You don't have to hold on so tight, if she's truly your best friend, she's not going anywhere, you can let go of her rains and let her graze without you.
Reply:i'm not being mean, but it sound like you are trying to convince yourself that you dont have feelings for her. this is not normal behaviour and i think that you should talk to someone (therapist) about this. maybe there are deeper issues here, like feeling abandoned and alone?
Reply:so??? right now shes your best friend...why is it any of their buisness what you do?? if it makes you happy to talk to her, go ahead.
Reply:yes, way over obsessive.
Reply:Ignore evry 1 else. U are not obsessing. It is clear that she is ur best friend ever, and u love her very much.


U will be mates 4 ever, u hav a very special friendship, that u will treasure 4 the rest of ur life! =)
Reply:You are definitely putting too much time and effort into your friendship with her. So much so that you may lose her as a friend and never be able to get her back. Being blunt, you need to back off and find other things to keep you busy. This will actually help your friendship because then if she's doing things different from you, then it'll give you both more things to talk about with each other. Like if you both happen to see the same movie, but not together, it's something to talk about. Read a book, go to the mall, etc. Then you both can share the experiences with each other and not run the risk of a friendship burnout where you both become so used to each other that you run out of things to talk about and start to resent each other.





I know it sounds hard, but really, it'll help you more in the long run. Also as someone else said, from what you say, it would seem as though you may be in love with your bff, and not just love her as a friend. It's something else that you may want to think about, because if you are and don't realize it, that could scare her away.





Also, relax. Don't let it stress you out, because when you stress out, you may do something that you'll regret. (I speak from experience.)
Reply:i dont think the word is obsessive hun, i think you're maybe a little worried that shes not going to want to be friends with her if you stop all of those things..i think you're just a little overexcited about everything!
Reply:Try meditation.
Reply:next step.......suuuuuuuicide





u need help....





an more than that one friend...
Reply:Yeah, a little obsessed. You talk with her more than most married couples talk!





Don't abandon her as a friend, but try to maintain a little more distance. Your family should be your friends, too.
Reply:if its interfere with multiple areas of your life (other friends, family, work, school) then yes, it's a problem...





from your post, it does sound like an obsession.





it wouldn't hurt to consult a therapist to make sure. they can help you work through these issues. then, you'll be able to have normal and fulfilling friendship without the worries =]
Reply:yes definitely you are obsessed to this friend of yours that i would definitely recommend that if you cannot help this feeling you better for you and your friends sake see and consult a doctor who can halp you. please do it as soon as possible.....have a happy new year!!!
Reply:Ok.. I've read all.


Yea.. I think u r obsessed with ur bestfriend..


I mean.. come on..u dont have to be like that. Maybe she also think that u r her bestfriend ever..


But if u keep continue being like that, she might think that u like her more than just bestfriend.. U know what i mean?


and she would stay away from u.


Give her space...


i hope this could help u.. (^,^)
Reply:I don't even need to read this and I already know you are obsessed!... look how much you typed....
Reply:u might be in love with her...otherwise ur just overprotective
Reply:if you have a bad relationship wiith your mother, your best friend could be a fill in for that..also if you admire you and think she is awesome then that could be attracting you to her. This soon shall pass, just let life take it's course..and not you are not gay...obsessive..maybe just don't suffocate her.
Reply:If you cannot be your SELF, first and foremost, you have NOTHING to offer others. Think about it.
Reply:GET A LIFE SERIOUSLY...YOU ARE OBSSESSIVE IF YOU LOOK AT THE POST MATTER OF FACT GET A LIFE.. AND STOP WRITING STUPID QUESTIONS
Reply:you need to put less details in your questions and don`t worry ****
Reply:oh,not only obsessing my dear i think youre in love. wanna come out of the closet?


shes your biff. the end. stop acting like shes ur husband.
Reply:I think something is an obsession if it starts to interfere with your life - and this is. I know people are implying it's a sexual thing but it's not, and it's quite normal to form really strong friendships with someone of the same sex. It is a wonderful, secure and exhilirating thing to know that someone cool wants to be your friend. It helps you define yourself, and to face problems knowing you have her to back you up. Maybe you'd even like to be like her.





Anyway. The stopping part. Well, first you have to tell yourself (and this is completely true) that if you keep on like this she will eventually cut you off. I'm not being mean, she will get scared, or just sick of it, and end the friendship. It is harmful to her, and to you. But if you start controlling your feelings now you have the chance at a great, life-long friendship.





Give yourself some limits and STICK TO THEM. Say one phone call a day and two texts (or whatever). Don't go over that limit. When you want to go over the limit remind yourself that if you do you are jeopardising the friendship.





The other really important thing is to start making new friends and doing stuff for yourself (I don't know, take up a new sport or hobby or whatever gets your mind off your friend). You need to know that you are a valuable person with a life of your own - and then you'll have more to offer her as a friend.





Anyway, good luck. You can do it!
Reply:wow you need to mellow out.
Reply:after i read it i thought it was normal then you kept adding stuff, ur a stalker and a lame. BACK OFF

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